Blog for Mental Health 2013

I pledge my commitment to the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project.  I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others.  By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health.  I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

i was pledged by a few weeks ago. i wasn’t sure if i was going to do this or not, since i wasn’t totally sure if my blog counted or not but i figured enough of my posts are about my struggles so hopefully it’s okay. i’m kind of excited and nervous to do this, and hopefully something i say can help whoever reads this in some way. 

i guess i’ve never put “my story” out there, so i think i may make a series of posts about it, where i go really into depth and everything. but for right now, i’ll keep it short and sweet. 

i don’t remember exactly when it started for me. i have always been a perfectionist, and i have always had anxiety over everything. i don’t remember what it’s like to not worry about being the best or to just not worry at all. but when it really got bad was in middle school. i don’t know what it was about middle school, but i got incredibly depressed. i was not enough, i was not good enough, and no matter how hard i tried i didn’t know how to be happy. in fact, i didn’t know how to feel. so, this is when i started cutting. i hid it for years, and i’m not sure how. i got to the point where i would cut for every reason, multiple times a day. razors and blades were hidden everywhere, just in case. to this day, i still find things hidden throughout my room.  with this came a feeling that my world was out of control. i struggled with my family, and our relationship was very rocky during these years. out of frustration, fear of not being good enough, feeling out of control in every way, i controlled the only thing i thought i could – how much i ate. at one point i was below 90 pounds. i would go days without eating a single thing. food was my enemy and blades were my friend.

it wasn’t until i was talking to my friend’s older brother that i realized that something was really wrong with me, but not in the way i had believed. i thought things were wrong with me because i wasn’t good enough. i didn’t realize the feeling of not being good enough was the thing i was wrong about. because of him and his reassurances, eventually, i went to counseling and was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder. they put me on meds and i went to therapy multiple times a week. i hated it, and i eventually lied my way out of therapy.  i stopped taking my meds and it has been a roller coaster of emotions throughout the years.

recently, my depression and anxiety has escalated. i went back to the doctor, and i am currently back on meds. some days i think they help. other days, i think they make it worse. even though i struggle a lot, i am incredibly lucky to have an incredible best friend and boyfriend to continue to help me through it. no matter how hard of a day i have, he always reminds me that i am not alone. and i guess that’s what i want you to know. that’s why i blog and that’s why i even bother saying anything. because i want you to know you are not alone. no matter how difficult it is to be inside of your head, you aren’t alone. other people do understand. 

now, i am going to pledge five more people. i am doing this semi-randomly, and pledging blogs that i do not know.






Don’t forget that when you take this pledge to visit and leave a comment with the link to your pledge so that you can be included on the blogroll as well!


11 thoughts on “Blog for Mental Health 2013

  1. Thank you for your honesty and genuine-ness in your blog. I’ve been reading through your posts, and have had quite a few shared experiences. Sometimes such things are hard to talk about, but it always helps to hear another’s perspective. Keep it up.

    I’ve nominated you for a Liebster Award:

    Feel free to participate or not, but either way, know that your blog is great and deserves to be read by many. I think it could be really helpful to a lot of people who either share similar struggles or know people who do. Thank you.

  2. hiya, I follow this blog through my other blog so I figured it only right that I follow through my new blog as well. Especially as your blog influenced me as well as a drastic drop in my mood, to set up my mental health matters page. xx love susie

  3. It makes me sad to read all of that, but you obviously have such strength. And the way you repeatedly emphasized to those reading ‘You are not alone’ is so important, and means so much. It’s what this project is about, in many ways.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story and your strength, and I wish you all the very, very best.

  4. thanks for this blog and your post, I mean that depression is a learned option in your mind, I mean to say that your mind not know any other way at this time but if you discover how to create your depression is to say which is the synthesis or programs that make it appear, then you you will be able teach your mind the other way to go other than depression, Greetings

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